Circling the Wagons

Sometimes you just need to step back from the mess and reassess. Life is messy. Relationship is messy. Family is messy. We’ve just moved to north Georgia and are living with my sister until we sign on our new house. Things are getting messier in this unique situation and chaos has ensued.

Our five children have had varying reactions to moving. Some were thrilled, some don’t care but will be excited when we get to our own house, and some are struggling. Day after day is filled with a busy schedule of school, work, gaming, eating, cleaning, watching TV, sibling spats, shopping, and more. But when the kids start fighting more than usual, we know we need to bring them together.

“Family meeting!”

The kids come from all directions in the house. There are offenses going untended. There are bad attitudes creating more bad attitudes. Everything seems to be toppling out of control.

When we call a family meeting, we never do the same thing, except one major detail—pry open the lines of communication. We talk about all the negativity floating around. Oldest girl keeps bossing around the younger kids. Son keeps calling sister names. Middle sister hit the other middle sister. The usual family stuff.

But the offenses and attitudes are not really the issue. It’s a heart issue. Under the surface of their behavior, there is something painful hiding. It is their motivation for fighting or bossing or name-calling.

I wish we could have figured it out sooner that these unseen wounds were hiding. Physical wounds are much easier to see and tend to. Wounds deep in their spirit are unspoken but are more real than the physical. They dictate whether they feel safe, whether a bossy sister will bother them, and whether being called a jerk will hurt.

We lay our children in the Father’s arms and ask him to guide us toward the hidden wounds. We talk about it, bringing light to it. We acknowledge how much it hurts. We invite the Holy Spirit into those painful places.

When it seems things are out of control and chaotic, don’t hide and ignore it. The chaos may stop temporarily but will surely return—sometimes in more painful ways. Press into your family, circle the wagons and unite your family in defense against the wounds that rule their hearts—and yours. Bring the healing presence of the Holy Spirit into the core of your home.

Heather Trim
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Webinar: Indoor Demons ~ Tim Mather

So you've been through deliverance and your biological house is clean, but you, having been a carrier, have been living in a shack with not just other people, but unclean entities as well. Now it's time to clean that house.

In this webinar Tim Mather will explore the simple process of taking authority over this next level of your domain.

Tim Mather formerly served in the pastorate for over 20 years
and doing deliverance ministry for over 30 years. Read more about Tim Mather...

Life Outside the Institution

Hi Folks,

I initially wrote this as a response to an email I received from a person who attended a deliverance retreat this past year. While writing, I realized that it should be my first blog of the New Year.

Yeah, after my deliverance I could see all the spiritual abuse in the shaming, rather than teaching on the good news of the Kingdom and how we could walk in Kingdom power. If you find people whose “minds aren’t warped,” let me know because that is a rarity.

It is good to find a community of people with which to have relationship and encouragement, but that is a difficult order to fill. Fortunately for us, we grew our own and our grown children are our closest friends. Then we have a very small circle of friends who serve at the retreats. This holiday season, we had dinner with each of them. Then we have another circle of friends that spans the country, from Colorado to Ohio to Florida. We keep contact by FB and phone calls and occasional visits. We can call on these relationships when we need personal prayer when we need more than what we send out to our intercessors. This is our network of relationships. That is what you need is to find and build healthy relationships. Some of ours go to church. Some are even pastors who know our “non-institutional” stance. All choose to be our friends, no, more like brothers, in a healthy family.

Probably one of the reasons you “can’t stand church” is because it is not enough. It is not only food that is not filling, but also distasteful and unhealthy. Your healing soul is reacting to this revelation that you have been fed food that is substandard. The dilemma is that many in this stage then look for a source with better food. I say “dilemma” because we think that we can find spiritual feeding in a better church or better pastor. In that context, it will always be tainted with the “party line” that you have to find spirituality, healthy spirituality inside the church four walls, when that was never the intention of Jesus when he walked the earth. Where was Jesus’ recorded sermon, ON THE MOUNT? It was out there among the people. His more in depth teachings were in private with His 12 to 20 close disciples. And it was through relationship. This doesn’t mean that you have to leave your church. Church is what it is. But what it does mean is that you need to feed yourself.

In our day and age, we have the benefit of hearing teaching from many others through the internet and the books of anointed authors. With the awakening of the Body of Christ to step outside the walls of the church, there are many resources available to feed the soul. Some are outside the “church” and some are still inside the church. That is where I get my teaching. And because of my years of walking out healing, I can pick the meat from the bones and find some great morsels.

These are some of my recommendations:

OrganicChurch by Neil Cole. He presents what a healthy church experience should be like. He has many other books on this subject.

Frank Viola is a prolific writer. In Pagan Christianity he describes the twists and turns that Christianity has taken over 2000 years and the “bad habits” it has picked up along the way. He has a discipleship course to feed the hungry soul. He has a blog that presents discussion. I recommend this connection.

Our friends, Tony and Felicity Dale have long been in the house church network. Felicity’s recent book (The Black Swan Effect) is about women’s role in the church compared to the historical first century church. (One of our team members here at the ranch, Suzette, wrote a chapter.) Felicity’s blog is,

We love Myles Monroe’s books on leadership.

What I am currently reading, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. 

Everything that James Richards writes is read worthy. In the Wholeness Coaching I recommend his How to Stop the Pain, also Escape from Codependent Christianity. You’ll find many books and teachings on CD at his website,  

Over this next year, I am going to be blogging more to encourage those who have come through Bear Creek Ranch in their healing and growth. My book, The FiveWholeness Steps is now available. Also we will be producing our own CD’s and DVD’s of teachings which will be available on our website bookstore soon. 

So my advice, find some friends and feed on some teachings. But don’t feed on your friends...  (that’s codependency).  Then share with others what you are finding and what is impacting your life. If you found a store that had make up that made you look ten, twenty years younger, or food that gave you the energy of a 16 year old or a 50% off coupon for a car, you’d tell someone, right?

Your deliverance was surgery that removed a life sucking tumor. Wholeness Coaching was the after surgery “therapy” to expose years of unhealthy emotional and spiritual living and implement a journey of emotional and spiritual health. Now discover food that brings spiritual health and invigorates life.

To Life! 
Katie Mather
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Paradigm Vertigo

In the pursuit of upside-down thinking – standing on my head trying to focus my spiritual sight enough to actually grasp Kingdom principles – I’m experiencing a sense of vertigo. Everything I know, based upon the fifty-some-odd years of right-side up thinking, is now suspect; it’s all so temporal and worldly that the effort to seize the real deal of Kingdom thinking becomes both terribly alien and disconcerting.

All the blood is rushing to my head.

Maybe that’s the point. Maybe the process of exchanging my thinking for His thinking is as simple as His blood for my blood, and therefore, His blood rushing into my paradigms is the way for me to become brainwashed with Kingdom of Light thinking.

Kinda makes me a little nauseous just trying to wrap my brain around it.

Think about the awful simplicity: This new Kingdom is completely and utterly, every little thing, every big thing, all of it, absolutely opposite of what we know to be the way things are on this planet. Talk about the Matrix! What we think we know as truth is no truth at all. In fact, the laws of this planet are not at all what they seem.

Want to go exploring with me? This isn’t going to be the journey yet, let’s just take time to change into our Dora the Explorer clothes. The journey will begin in the next installment.

When buying into the Kingdom of God, the Kingdom of heaven, the Kingdom of Light, we move from darkness into light in every way: Spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (II Corinthians 5:17). Really? A new creation? What does that mean?

Let’s try to grasp this verse – we’ve heard it and quoted it a million times with only a cursory understanding of the implications. If those who enter into the Kingdom are a new creation there must be an old creation. The old creation is our first incarnation, born in sin, born to start dying, born into spiritual and moral darkness.

However, there was an older creation before that one. Adam and Eve were the first creation. They were perfect in every way, made by the very hand of Father. They were apparently designed to live forever; they were made mentally brilliant, physically flawless, and spiritually connected.

Evidently, perfection had its draw-backs. Eve’s perfect gullibility got her into trouble and she believed a snake – doesn’t it strike you that she didn’t think a talking snake was in the least bit odd? Well, you know how all that ended. As a result, the entire creation was changed, subjected to the dominion of dark thinking . . .

and the snake is still talking to us.

Here’s a thought: Father is omniscient so He knew they were going to blow it, so His plan was not the whole perfect Garden deal; His plan was not the whole kingdom of darkness thinking deal; His plan was obviously the whole new creation thing that will produce a race of kings to hang out with Him forever because we choose Him. Perfection with a twist!

And we will know enough not to talk to the snake.

So with time we have left on this mortal coil, we should expend our energies in worship –morphing our thought processes into Light paradigms.

Hopefully, you, like me, are as dizzy as a blond at the county fair.

Tim Mather
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The Five Wholeness Steps in a Busy Life

Why am I not using the 5 Wholeness Steps? They're so easy and EFFECTIVE!

  1. I need to keep it within view for me to actually remember.
  2. "Right click" and download.
  3. I need repetition.
  4. Everyday life absorbs my attention.

How do I implement those two things?

Keep it within view and encourage repetition by:

  1. Downloading The Five Wholeness Steps PRINT & hang everywhere.
    -Hang one on the fridge.
    -Tape one to my bathroom mirror.
    -Hang one over my desk.
    -Hang one in my closet next to my jewelry.
    -Tape one to the dog.
  2. Downloading The Five Wholeness & add to all my devices.
    -Make it the wallpaper on my computer.
    -Post it as a picture on my cell phone.
    -Share it on Facebook.

Now, every time I have a bad reaction in life (i.e. getting furious that the living room is messy) I can stop and ask the Lord what that is all about and go after EVERYTHING I find lurking in the shadows of my heart.

Now the question is... Where did you post yours?


The Honesty Policy

With my children, I am emulating a policy used in my own family growing up. It was about never keeping secrets. I grew up in a home where we talked about everything, all the time. Having my own children, I’ve realized why.

Secrets are Trouble

For the most part secrets are trouble and create problems where there may not have been any. It’s like building a porch without support beams. It may hold for a while, but eventually, something is bound to break. Secrets lead to lying, which leads to doing things behind parent’s backs, and hiding those actions. If they can hide small things from us, surely they have the capacity to hide bigger and bigger things, until finally they are teenagers and we have no idea who they are, what their opinions are and they are drifting farther and farther away from us.

Talk About Everything Together

We are actively teaching them to talk and to be continuously open with us. We are starting young with ours by always talking about everything with them. My childhood family did it most around the dinner table, talking about our day, sharing what happened, what we like, didn’t like and what we were thinking about.  We were never quick to leap from the table because of our conversations.

The best way to know what is going on in your child’s head and heart is to talk about it. If something happens, ask them what they thought about it. If someone hurts their feelings, talk about it. If they won a race or an award, talk about it. Talk about what is real, what is right now, about their life and their cares, good and bad. Everything. Talk while doing chores, while painting fingernails, while sitting on the porch, while driving to town, all through the day. Keep those communication lines open. Always. Regardless if it feels weird at first.

Live by Example

Openness and honesty may come at a price. You may have to sacrifice some of your own innermost thoughts to show your children how it is done. Children are mirrors. They will mimic us, whether we want them to or not. If I’m sassy, they will be sassy (no matter how many times I tell them not to.) If I say “crap” they say it too. I’m sure you have your own lovely examples of your children mirroring you too.

It may be risky to some, especially if you’re not practiced in it. Share your innermost thoughts and feelings with your children. They always know when you are upset. Tell them why. Let them love on you when you are down. Let them feel trusted with your information. (With the exception of extremely adult information, of course.)

In 2012, I was in physical pain from March to December. I would periodically slip into depression. I wanted to hide how I felt from them. I wanted to pretend to be strong so they didn’t feel like their world was falling apart. But I homeschool. They are with me 24/7. They knew when I was in pain anyway. So I was honest about it. I told them when I was hurting really bad. I told them when I was sad because I was hurting. And you know what they did? They didn’t leave me to wallow. My son gave me more hugs. My daughters kissed my boo-boo. They all prayed for me whenever they saw me in pain. I trusted them with my pain and as a result we grew closer.

Keeping a pattern of openness and honesty in the family creates a safe place for children to be themselves, not have to hide and to always feel accepted. We can be the example of openness and honesty, so they can emulate it.

Never Lie

It is kind of obvious to say “Never lie” especially after saying “Be open and honest” but somehow children figure out how to lie. They start lying around age 3 to 5. (The smarter ones learn it earlier, I think.)

I remember getting a punishment for lying in addition to the punishment for the actual crime. So with my own kids it is the same. Because it could be something little they are lying about when they are 10 years-old. For example, “You broke the vase but hid it under the end table and you said your sister did it?”

When they are teenagers it could end up being something bigger like, “You told me you were the one driving when you wrecked the car and it was actually your friend, who is not covered on our car insurance.”


But in the same way, you may have seen the look on your young child’s face when the great debate is occurring. To lie or not to lie. Interestingly, there are certain personalities who are prone to lie, they would choose lying over conflict or to save face. I have to encourage mine choose the right way every time so that lying doesn’t become a pattern in their life.

I am proud of my children when they choose to be truthful, especially when what they are admitting will get them into trouble. So, in an effort to promote honesty we sometimes reward them for it. (When the moment is right.) We must first deal with whatever trouble they’ve made and give out a punishment to fit the crime. I have taken a child out for ice cream for being honest with me. While we licked our ice cream cones, I talked to her about telling the truth and how important it was and thanked her for being forthright, to reinforce it. We fist-bumped and talked about whatever else was on her mind.

Openness is an endurance sport. Keep up the good work. It will surely pay off with open, honest and healthy adults.
Heather Trim
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Spiritual Welfare State

I was just having a chat with someone about the following verses:

We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so. 
Hebrews 5:11-6:3.

It often surprises me how needy we church people are. So, here is a rant for you to critique. Why is it the norm in the church structure that everyone must always be a subservient student sitting at the feet of the pastor-daddy or the teacher-mommy? When are we allowed to grow up and not have to sit through sermon after sermon, the substance of which we have heard a million times already?

When do we get to be grown-ups? When can we be trusted to FEED OURSELVES? And how arrogant is it to believe that one person should be responsible for the spiritual diet of the entire group of Saints?

This reminds me of the welfare mentality so pervasive in our country. Designed to provide a temporary leg-up for people in distress, it has morphed into a fulltime “I-don’t-have-to do-anything-for-myself” gravy train. So, able-bodied men and women – generation after generation, mind you – have no sense of responsibility for their own livelihood, relying upon the government to feed them and take care of their needs.

The Scriptures are quite clear on the subject: For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat. II Thessalonians 3:10-12.

While these verses apply to people regarding their physical livelihood, it also applies to their spiritual livelihood. People sit dumb-faced week after week, year after year like little birds, their mouths open wide to receive the pre-chewed-food the pastor has already digested for them. Why does the clergy-class perpetuate the anti-biblical welfare state among the Saints? And more astonishing, why do we, the people, allow it to continue?

It’s like we remain little kids for the rest of our lives, relying upon our pastor-daddy to meet all of our spiritual needs. My kids are now in their late twenties to middle thirties. How dysfunctional would it be if they all depended upon me to feed them, meet all their needs, and raise their children? Once they were old enough to get out of house and marry, they were released to make their own family, to guide them, teach them and equip them to face the obstacles of their own lives.

It amuses me to ask people to tell me about their ecclesiastical baggage (church background). What I’ve discovered is almost no one was raised in one denomination and stayed there for life. In generations past, it was a badge of honor to say that was true. But now, we are consumers. We shop from church to church – some trips varying widely from Baptist to Charismatic or some mainline church to house church.

Pastors despise this phenomenon. Many have taken to forcing the Saints to not only join their church but to sign an additional loyalty statement in an effort to exercise control over their wanderings.

But I think it is indicative of good things happening in the Kingdom.

If you have been in one church with the same pastor for seven years you have heard everything he has and you will never hear anything fresh.

Most people can’t wait seven years.

Here is my thought: If you are a church-going person, move from church to church, denomination to denomination at will. Go to the Baptists and glean the good they have on the place of the Bible in life; go to the Presbyterians and find out about predestination; go to the Charismatics and have some fun; Pentecostals are all the Gift of Tongues, so go get what they have. All in all, each of them has a historical piece of the puzzle, so why not go get it from them?

But in the end, there is just you, your family, and Father. Therein lies the reality of pure Kingdom life. Outside of Sunday morning services and Sunday School, there is real life. Why not learn THAT? Just sit around and talk about Father.

THAT’S where the real joy lies!
Tim Mather
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